so i’m getting ready to do the wedding thing, and i pull this suit out of my suit closet.
it’s in plastic, so i know it’s been to the cleaners lately, and i’m thinking, ah, good it’sbeen to the cleaners lately. so’s i start to put it on, and i go to button the button on the pants, and i’m like 2 inches from getting the thing shut, and i’m like “WTF-i’ve gotten this fucking fat???!!?”
the wife is like, you’re not that fat-gee thanks- they must have shrank your pants. but it’s drycleaning, they dont’ shrink anything. so suddendly i’m like-wait! and i look in the pants and there are no tags, more importantly no hugo boss tags–immediately i thinking ‘THEY LOST MY FUCKING WEDDING SUIT AND GAVE ME THIS THING”
at that point natty is just barely containing going apeshit and wants to get on the phone to the cleaners right now. i look at the slip and i had the suit cleaned in june, so it’s kinda hard to just show up and say “where’s my suit”. so anyway i wear a different one, and we go to the wedding, everything was nice, blah blah (side bar, i danced so well with a guy that his wife intervened–as if i was gonna steal him…am i gay?).
get home, pass out on couch, etc.
get up, think, hmm i wonder if that was even the right suit–i mean i wore the hugo to a funeral in august..so i had it then. boom go and look at a travel garment bag–there is the wedding suit. i look at the jacket and it is the jacket of a suit i bought my first year of grad school for our oral exams. the pants indeed match the fabric, adn are the right length but shit they’re too small in the waist. so a few things to consider:
- i’m glad i didn’t flip out, i guess deep down i knew i was being an idiot
- apparently i could fit in these things back some time before june. so…how’d i get so fucking fat?(don’t answer that)
- what’s weird is i seem to remember being fatter when i got the exam suit than the other suit i wore. so i don’t get how that works.
- can’t decide if i’m depressed that i’m fatter than i was 11 years ago, of if i should be happy that i can fit in a suit that’s 8 years old-?
- either way i need to do some sit ups.(and stop eating, and stop drinking).
so is that a great weekend or what?