Jefke.com

so it’s been a crazy ass week my friends,

you see for the last month or so, i was pretty much under utilized at work, i had some extra time on my hands and the powers that be had me working on some marketing materials. I should have just sat back and enjoyed it, instead i fretted and worried about being light on work and whether i’d get in trouble. Then, when i did have work, it was usually shit i had no experience (or idea) in doing, so i’d run up the stress level over that.

this past week the DFTU client (don’t fuck this up, as my manager once said) called me into attend a series of negoiation session between them, well the new organization they’re launching, and what will probably be the first member of this network thing they’re setting up. the other organization is british, and so the people sent over to do the negoitations were, err, british. I was brought in to take notes and action items, ok cool seems simple enough. however it’s one thing to take notes at a meeting where you know what the fuck is going on, and what the fuck is important and what isn’t–for example, there is apparently some new politician over there in limey land that is making all sorts of waves with his “hugs for hoodies” campaign. apparenlty their dirtbag WT kids wear hoodies all pulled up over their heads so that people can’t see them in the eyes. then they jump you and take you tea adn crumpetts or something. so this guy said that all these kids need is some love. so give’m a hug.

ok…so is this pertinent to the discussion? an amusing aside? better safe than sorry, jefke took it down. 3 pages of it. good times.

the women from the UK were, in my american eyes, dame judy dentch and bidget jones. i mean physically and well personality wise too. dame Judy was fuckign smart, too smart, and man did she like to talk. bridgette was silent most of the time, when she did speak she’d get all worked up and excited and then either apologize verbally, or shrink back in to herself out of embarassment. thankfully that’s nothing i can relate to.

i, too tried to keep my mouth shut the whole. tried is the operative there. a couple times my “for fucks sake, you’re just not understanding what she’s saying” instinct kicked in a i ‘tried’ to help clarify things. at one point dame judy said what i just said was ‘blinking nonsense….” and i think when she saw the semi shocked look on my face she retreated with a “…with respect”. i wasnt’ actually offended, more a bit shocked that she got all worked up over my comment. oh well, (fucking limey cunt) sorry i just really like saying limey.

so at any rate it was nice to be considered part of the team and worthy of attending the sessions. all in all the feeling was pretty friendly for most of the time. there were a couple tense bits, but they got over them. they had some sessions on corporate govenance which necessitated our side bringing in our super powerful corporate lawyer. I love this guy. you can tell he’s billing like 4k/hr and he’s got the balls to back it up. nothing phases him, and he’s always got a story about this company he helped launch that had the most complicated bylaws’s you ever seen, essentially the founder’s grandmother’s ashes was the majority vote in the 50+1+ashes supermajority on buget issuses….

for my part i just sat there sucked down diet cokes and scribbled in my notebook. tuesday night i was invited to a “networking social”. so i not only had to be consultant guy all day, but into the evening too. i pulled it off i think, and had a natural exit strategy with my train back home. I thnk people in DC think it’s quaint that i come in from baltimore. and further that i don’t drive in. when we first sat down at the resturant, the hyper wait staff asked if i wanted a cocktail. i paused to see what others were doing–then thought fuck it–i’m a big boy–”bourbon–knob creek”

the waiter seemed excited to actually fetch somthing. about 15 mins later the guy returned with a fucking gooblet of booze. seriously, it was one very healthy pour. then i realized that i was seated next to my main client contact. nothin’ like looking like a lush in front of your semi boss. she was pretty cool about. actually was very impressed with the pour ” you can’t beat a healthy pour like that” and then commented that she was surprised i was a bourbon man–apparetnl had me pegged as a light beer guy—rule 89 of jefke’s guide to being a consultant–always keep them guessing. I countered with “truth be told, if i’m in a friendly, safe, secure environment, i’m a sapphire martini man. but i know myself, and i don’t hit those unless it’s a very safe occasion. I learned alot about gin in the dotcom days” that got a good round of laughter.

so techincally i was supposed to start my vacation on thrusday. i had envisioned a relaxed day of gathering up all my shit and getting shit done prior to our big departure on friday. Naturally this was all shot to hell when the DFTU client lady sent over a document i had prepared for a big other session on monday–essentially red lined to shit andtelling me that it was no good. ah now that’s a good way to start a week off. so i got up at 5 am on my first day of vacation and started doing more research. go ahead, ask me where to find overall travel numbers of residents from teh us and mexico visiting canada–i know it now.  i spent the rest of the day trying to give natty some relief from the 3 days of solo captainkeeping she went through, at yet do this work that i didnt’ want to do and then also get my shit done for the trip.

needless to say i was a fucking wreck. but then, at 5:38 pm, i got an email:

Jefke,

Very nicely done,

Thanks

DTFU boss lady

fucking 1000 ton weight lifted. so that just left typing up my 100 pages of notes and, gee i’d be home free.

up at 5 am on friday to try and get that done…which i did by 8:30, then packing running around preparing the house, baby, dog, cat and all that shit. by 1 pm we were on the way to the vet to drop off the diabetic cat for boarding (which will cost as much as our hotels for the entire trip) and 1:45 on 95 north up to the compound in CT.  6 hrs, later we arrived.

remind me to comment on rainstorms, redneck bumperstickers and bathrooms.