Jefke.com

yes, it seems to have gotten to that, i’ll just post once a month, it’ll be really long, so long that i won’t even scan it before i click “publish” and it’ll have even more spelling mistakes than the old school jefke posts. i’m sorry kids, i just haven’t had the itch to post lately, not for lack of material (ok maybe), but more for the lack of time (where is my dedication?) and well lazyness.

so lets see, where did we leave off, oh yeah…We’re buying a house!!, no wait after that…We’re getting a dog!!…hmm after that. oh i got it…natty was 6 months pregnant and i’m freaking out about being a first time father.. no, well anyway.

i’ll work backwards, from uh, about an hour ago and eventually get to the big bang, and by that i mean the orgy we went to last weekend. (rimshot) no no, just kidding, been reading too much acw lately.

So it’s suddenly summertime here, and that brings all sorts of fun fun stuff along with it. Henry, inspite of his hip problems, is having a very good kill year so far. I think we’re up to 4 birds so far, the latest of which was saturday. I typically take the carcass and but it in to the dog shit garbage can and forget about it (umm the smell though, lovely). so i did that, and well it’s been about 110 degrees everyday (no joke, really 100 fucking 10) in the sun and shit, and the shitcan, with the dead robin in it has been in the sun. so this morning, at about 6:11 am, and i go to the shit can to tie up the bag and take it to the street for garbage day. i prepared myself for the stench by holding my breath, what i wasnt ready for, was (were?) the 50 maggots all over the bag, lid and rim of the shitcan. no sir, wasn’t expecting that.

now one would probably be freaked out and puke at such an early morning surprise. well not jefke 2006. no sir, i exclaimed “ick!” threw the cover on the ground and took the whole shitcan to the curb, and took the bag out and left it. no puking, no screaming no throwing up. and i have joe rogan to thank for it. well maybe not him exactly, i dunno how much he really has to do with the content of fear factor, but for better or worse, he is the face of fear factor, and after seeing people pretty much swim, eat, have sex with, insert into their butts, etc. all manners of maggots, cockroaches, pig testicles, cow nostrils, chicken thyroids, musktrat anus’ over the last i dunno 10 years or whatever that the show has been on, a shit can full of maggots didn’t really phase me. This is progress people, really. and people say reality TV is ruining our culture. poppycock, I say.

It was a long US bank holiday weekend last weekend (for all you non A-murricans) and i had big plans for sitting on super patio, drinking lots of cheap beer. well so as it turns out, natty caught some sort of plauge, and the capt then caught it as well, so that didn’t really come together like i had hoped. On friday, our fancy pants table arrived, which I put together on saturday. i was supertastically pleased to discover that our fancy pants umbrella and stand doesn’t fit under the table, which led to a super awesome ‘debate’ between natty and i on how to resolve the situation. like most good debates, it really wasn’t about the table or umbrella or the umbrella stand, but that’s what tripped it off. (it was really about our countries current polictical climate surrounding illegal immigrants), but it was some good times-arguing on a 90 degree day with 2/3rd of the household sneezing and coughing. ah holidays.

ah so speaking of kids with colds. i never knew how accruate the phrase “snot nosed kid” was.  till, well i had one. interesting.

building off of the fear factor thing. about 2 weeks ago, natty and i identified a foul odor coming from somewhere in the front yard. naturally she accused me of taking a shit somewhere out there (ok she didn’t) but she did ask if i put down manure or something.  we also noticed a shit load of flies everywhere. turns out our new mulch has brought this to down.  whicih is just luvely, lots of rancid smelling little phallus’ all over the yard, really who could ask for anything more? apparenly they’re a delicacy in asia. i think people just make that shit up. it seems that anything that we find disgusting is a delicacy in asia. someone’s making some shit up–believe you me.

so as many of you know, rolling rock was bought by budwiser, (well pretty much) so like many, i went out and got some RR for old times sake. for one summer in college, the whole world was about rolling rock snubby bottles. I maintain to this day that there is something in rollign rock that fights hayfever–that summer i discovered that i’d sneeze and wheeze all day until i downed my first beer. then it would go away. maybe that PA water. i dunno i personally think the wet dog taste is really wet dog, adn there’s something from that, but i can’t prove it.
all of a sudden people seem to be all upset that the company  was sold to our friends at interbrew/bev a few years back. I can still remember when i saw my first RR bottle at a belgian bar. I was obvious that the bar had to stock it as part of some sort of contract. when i asked the bartender for one, it took like 8 tries (oh yes i know i dont’ know dutch, but if there’s one thing I DO know it’s how to get a damn beer). when it arrived it had that classic wet dog taste and was sold with a lollipop. not sure what the deal was with that.

well anyway, farewell rollilngrock, not to be a doomsayer, but i doubt that NJ will brew you in the same way.

ok well that’s it for now. i’ll try to keep on top of this shit. but hell who am i kidding.