Loading ...it’s weird, i’ve always easily embarrassed and over sensitive. at the drop of a hat i can think of 6 or 7 times where i’ve said, done or lately, posted something that was just plain stupid, and then immediately wanted to jump out of my skin and hide from it–it’s been an interesting day that way.
man how big of an ass do i feel like having constructed a litebrite rendition of my nickname spelled incorrectly–and as fate would have it, don dug up some old versions of my original site, on that web archive service thingy–i had an update (this was before posts) where i addressed how i had heard that my old manager and his boss had been visiting the site, and thought i was overly bitter about my layoff–which, in all honesty was true–but never the less i fired off some post that made it look like i had a mohawk, several large weapons and was conducting regular "are you talking to me?" conversations in the mirror at our apartment. jackassery, every bit of it.
the funny part is, for someone that spends so much energy on the bitter side of the force you’d think i’d be much more careful in what i post up, what i lay out and what i’d expect to get back. funny thing is, i’ve never thought all of this through very well. i mean, chirst, why do i do this anyway? i mean, i’m fucking lazy, i don’t reread anything before i publish it–should i even be doing this type of shit?
it’s weird–i think deep down, every person that posts shit up on the internet is hoping, either actively or passively to get famous. i mean, why not just write shit in an old school journal. if you didn’t want people to read it, you’d keep it to yer self. further, if you want people to read it, you should, by jove, put up what you actually want the people to read (perhaps proofread it, a spell check or 2—i will not repent in terms of capitalization, get the fuck over it).
now do i put that effort in to it? er, well that’s obvious. and do i get flack about it, yes–and rightfully so. now (further) if i don’t follow through on points 1 and 2, and get the rightful flack, and don’t like it, i have 2 choices–really, i could either actually craft posts, and try to minimze the flack, or i could not post until i am motivated to do it correctly (sort of a put up or shut up argument).
this is interesting, as i’ve never thought of it this way. i mean, i don’t really know why i do this weblog bullshit. it doesn’t pay (damn you adsense), i feel guilty when i don’t post (wtf is that all about), and more often than not, i feel like an ass or an idiot when i post something and then reread it or the comments associated with it–so, really–what the hell am i doing? (perhaps the better question is: what the hell have i been doing for the last 4 years). i’m not adding anything to anything, and while i’m not sure, i’m not taking anything from anything–well except my and people’s time.
by jove, i’m having a mid cyber life crisis
i’m not doing anything here- with all of this. and apart from the fact that i prepayed for a fucking year of typepad–i’m not obligated to do anything with all of this. so why am i doing with this? why do i bother…..what does this add to the world, (well fuck that, i’m not worrying about that). but anyway—why bother?
why indeed.