Right, so yesterday the last oldsmobile ever rolled off the assembly line in lansing Mich. apparently, people are saddened by this. bah! bah! i say.
I heard a report on the radio last night, about how olds were the hippest, more forward thinking cars of the 1930’s and 40’s. wow, great. lemme tell you this…they sucked ass in the 80’s and 90’s. how do i know? well my first car was an 1980 olds cutlass cruiser midsized wagon, with polywood sizing. my dad bought the car new, off the lot, in what i assume was the last step in his accquesence to the suburban lifestyle (more on that later). that car, bessy as i used to call her, had more problems than you could shake a wiffle ball bat at. Some of the good ones were: a mysterious motor mount crack, the master cylinder died, 8 (yes 
sets of brakes, the rear window imploded one day, the top of the gas tank rusted through such that one could not fill the tank up more than 3/4’s full, the rear brake line snapped one day as i drove to school…oh the list goes on and on.
this was all before lemon laws, obviously. I inheirted bessy when i got my license in er, 1988 (jesus i’m old), and on my first trip out, the gas line rusted through right under the drivers seat. my dad had the mechanic replace that section with a rubber hose. brilliant. in the end, bessy and i became good friends and i have to say our last day together before i left for college was an emotional one. nevertheless the car was not well made. i dare say oldsmobile shouldnt’ have lasted this long. RIP
as for the transformation–it’s almost complete. I am almost a middle aged man. not in years so much as in spirit. oh you’ve been watching the metamorph-er can’t spell that, happening for a while, but i think i’m almost ready to grow a guy and come out of my cocoon. last night, whilst mowing my lawn with my new yuppie euro enviro mower, i realized that i actually care how my lawn looks. I was trying to figure out if it would be better to reseed the bare patches before applying the weed killer, or vice versa.
Words like “curb appeal” mean something to me now… all i want for my birthday is a gas grill, can a station wagon be far down the road?
i’m not even going to fight it anymore.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Don // Apr 30, 2004 at 9:40 am
Man, I’m impressed at how much you knew about the car problems and that you know about motor mounts and cylinders. Very impressive!
As far as grass goes, I think that buying a truckload of SOD would be the best thing to do. Man, the grass is already grown and ready to go. Just plop it down and you’re all set!
2 Jimmy // Apr 30, 2004 at 10:24 am
In the mid 90s I was the proud owner of a 1978 Olds Delta 88 Royale.
Man, what a car! I could put 4 snow tires and the full sized spare in the trunk.
I’m gonna have to spill a little of my 40 later for teh Olds.
3 Clay // Apr 30, 2004 at 2:55 pm
“The Mercedes of reel lawnmowers”
That’s hot, man–Hot.
Seriously, if the thing actually works, that’s great…My folks got a push-mower a few years ago and it never cut a damn thing–except for one’s dignity, perhaps.
In other news, I just found out there was a huge gas leak in my apartment. As I occasionally smoke, I could have like immolated myself. The handy-man said I was “a lucky guy.”
4 jefke // Apr 30, 2004 at 3:38 pm
yes, clay is indeed a lucky guy
we’re you catching a buzz off the gas?
5 Don // May 1, 2004 at 10:26 am
Clay Aiken?
6 Natty // May 1, 2004 at 11:10 am
Jeff, unless the driving age in CT was fifteen at the time, you did not get your license until 1989 (you were born in 1973). This should make you feel a little better- you’re not quite as old as you thought.
7 Don // May 2, 2004 at 6:12 pm
All he does is complain about how old he is. “Oh, my back hurts.” “Oh, I’m constipated.”
8 rcg // May 4, 2004 at 10:06 pm
I had a friend who used to say, as if it were a slogan: “Nobody ever died in a Delta 88.”
Is that true?