i now have 200 something channels of programming. oh sure, the installer dood put the dish up on basically the front of our house… oh it all makes sense now…please to be quoting wvsr:
We’re finally getting our satellite dish today. There was a waiting list for installation, of nearly a month. Whatever. It goes up today. They’ll be here sometime between noon and 6PM, they say. Kind of a hefty window of time, but you can’t fight City Hall.
I’m concerned that they’re going to hang the thing on the front of our house, and trash our shit up. I think they do that for advertising purposes, because their logo is right in the middle of the dish. Toney’s going to try to get them to put it in a less obvious spot, but I already know what their answer will be: “It has to be installed in a place where the signal is strongest, ma’am, and that’s right over your front door.” Liars. They’re always on the front of houses — on both sides of the street.
well they did it, we have a big ass “we’re trash like you, all nascar all the time…” dish on the front ass of our house (yes i did just make up front ass). but fuck that shit, i just spent 5 minutes on the phone, with a woman with a mildly veiled indian accent and, after running a credit check, and giving my precious discover card numter, she did something, i don’t know what, but it talked to a fucking satillite and my tv told me that “you package plan is being configured” and boom allsasudden i’m watching jon stewart, just like i was back in the apartment where we got free, illegal basic cable. i just love the fact that in theory, this woman, talked to an object about 6 miles above the earth in a geosynchoninious orbit (that’s right, i know some sat talk) and said object then beamed some special ray that talked to my dish, which then talked to my new little tivo box (which btw sounds like my dell 550 PIII which i’m retiring…) and boom, i gotz the motts. brilliant. awesome, 2 thumbs up, i loved it more than cats. more than ET.
and my wife tells me i don’t enjoy anything.
14 responses so far ↓
1 J Sargent // Feb 24, 2004 at 11:53 am
Welcome back to having to pay for 200 channels of nothing on. I agree that technology is pretty cool that someone on the other side of the world can enable your feed on a satelite waaaay above you. Even scarier to know that the other satelites in orbit with the TV feeds can probably catch you picking your nose at a stoplight as well.
Look here to find info about noisy directivo devices - its probably related to a crappy cooling fan. http://tinyurl.com/26vky (www.tivocommunity.com forum)
Hopefully you will never have to suffer with any more Ronco the-current-waste-of-kitchen-storage-space-quasi-funtcional-tool-of-the-month ads any longer at 3 in the morning once you get the tivo setup to record the 15 episodes of Senifeld that some on a day.
J
2 B // Feb 24, 2004 at 12:31 pm
R51 - the statue you are going to build - must be a very big phallus. You have to counteract the immense feminine energy that this dish has cast upon your domain. Hearing you describe it, you’ve got an object (the “fucking satellite”) beaming a special ray right up your front ass. I can only read “front ass” as pussy, jefke.
3 Wawa // Feb 24, 2004 at 1:14 pm
I’m surprised you didn’t get the Skinemax. Kinda dissapointed, actually.
4 jefke // Feb 24, 2004 at 1:45 pm
holy shit brendan, you maybe right. is the inner jefekette trying to get out, via my front ass, er the term front ass. jesus, get me in therapy.
5 Natty // Feb 24, 2004 at 8:14 pm
What the hell is wrong with you people? Jefke is very in touch with his feminine side- his astrologer even said so when we had our readings. She was very intuitive (basically predicted my whole nursing career before I ever knew about it). Also, I would like to add that jefke did not seem to have any qualms, initially, about the white-trash appearance the dish gave to our home. I arrived home from class and immediately noticed the eye sore. I then expressed my dissatisfaction with it on the front of the house to Jefke. His response was something along the lines of, “It’s no big deal. How can you even see it? I couldn’t see a thing.” Mind you, it is fastened to the roof ready to greet guests as they arrive. Oh so classy! Needless to say, this problem will have to be remedied, but I am glad to see that Jefke is now on my side of the fence. So, time to call the Direct TV people and have them move the dish.
6 B // Feb 25, 2004 at 12:06 am
Private astrology readings? First ‘Pretty in Pink’ and now this! jefke, jefke, jefke…
7 Wawa // Feb 25, 2004 at 9:57 am
Who did the palm reading? Cleo? Only $5 a minute . . .
8 Natty // Feb 25, 2004 at 11:21 am
Wawa, palm reading is not the same thing as doing someone’s astrological charts. A friend of my mom’s did our charts and we only did it cuz my mom thought it would be fun. Turned out that it was!
9 Wawa // Feb 25, 2004 at 12:20 pm
Palms, Astrological Charts . . .Potato, Potatoe
10 jefke // Feb 25, 2004 at 12:23 pm
well, i have to admit that i did see it right away, but only b/c i was looking for it. and i do think the dish says “classy” classy in that i’m so damn tech savy that i knew to get the triple LNB dish so that we can have the dual tuners recording. also it shows my forward thinkedness in allowing up to get signals from all 3 north american sats, and in theory we could subscribe to both the espaniola and jade chinese programming options. hell now that i think of it, i might put a big neon arrow pointing right at the dish!
11 jefke // Feb 25, 2004 at 12:25 pm
as for the astrological thing, it was pretty interesting in a ‘for entertainment/tabbacco use only” sorta sense. the lady was a bit, er, unique, and definetly did a little bit of the leading question technique to get some hints and then she’d run with them. but hell, it was only an hour out of my life. in teh end she bascially told me to read those “find the right job for you” books. oh well.
12 Natty // Feb 25, 2004 at 1:56 pm
You have a very selective memory.
13 Wawa // Feb 25, 2004 at 2:55 pm
I don’t buy that fortune crap. People make their own breaks. But “Crossing Over” with John Edward . . . now that’s something to believe in.
14 Co-Worker Don // Feb 25, 2004 at 9:09 pm
Do you get all the NASCAR stations jefke? I bet you can tune right into the pit crews radios with that super tripple fist LNBooty sat dish you have there.