ever notice that the free/cheap paint can openers that come from paint stores always have a bottle opener integrated into them?
i think it’s safe to say that the only way to paint is drunk, and/or painters are drunks….
that is all.
painters
November 5th, 2003 · 4 Comments
Tags: Uncategorized
4 responses so far ↓
1 B // Nov 9, 2003 at 8:20 am
I have never noticed any brand of paint sold with a bottle opener, having never lived in the States, but it makes sense. I have often remarked on a significant chemico-physiological phenomenon that defies the laws of science: you cannot get drunk while painting. I do not know if it is because the paint fumes cause a chemical reaction in the bloodstream when inhaled, or if the physical activity of painting causes the body’s filtration system to work in a different way, or if the mental attitude necessary to paint prevents the alcohol from having any psychological effects. (This last would be very interesting from a behavioral psychology point of view. Does painting resemble the children’s activity of coloring, and does concentrating on not going outside the lines strengthen the sober adaptive ego?) In any case, you can drink a crate of beer while painting and not fall off your ladder even once. Drinking while painting can therefore be encouraged, even by the Surgeon General.
What is strange, however, is why a bottle opener should be needed at all. Doesn’t every bottle in America have a twist off top by now?
2 jefke // Nov 10, 2003 at 9:02 am
Everyone, gather round. I’d like to introduce the mythical B Maloney. Please give him a warm welcome. It’s been way too long since we’ve seen him around these parts. For further background, see the maloney section of our “words” section of this site…
Welcome to the new jefke.com brendan!
3 B // Nov 11, 2003 at 7:59 am
Thank you, jefke. Thank you very much for that kind introduction. Greetings all.
Speaking of that “words” section dedicated entirely to my emails, I should mention that I never gave permission for their publication. In fact, they appeared one day without warning thus violating my privacy and exposing my most intimate thoughts for public consumption. This breach of confidentiality simply means that you’ll be hearing from my lawyer(s).
Aside from that, however, it’s great to be back.
4 jefke // Nov 11, 2003 at 8:08 am
i don’t think that’s true, i informed you of my intent to publish them and if i recall correctly you were flattered and then got a case of stage fright that effectively ended our communication for 18 months.
I’ll look at my old emails. if you want i can take them down…but then you wouldn’t be famous anymore, now would you.